Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconcapukat: More from Capukat


Featured in Collections

poetry by tabbycat21

Journals and Stuff by BluestarzStrike


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
May 16, 2013
Submitted with
Sta.sh Writer
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,869
Favourites
102 (who?)
Comments
35

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×

Numbness

I can’t feel my toes and at first I think

It’s just my toes.

I can cover them up.

I can warm them.

 

It spreads, like fire,

Like ice.

I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold

Pat –pat

That’s funny, I didn’t feel that

Maybe I’ll cover them up too

I’ll warm them up.

 

I’ll take a nap

Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them

Up…

What’s that? How long has it been?

My legs… are you still mine..

Why has my breath left me, short?

Has everything but deserted me?

 

What about you, are you still here?

Are you still with me?

Hello?

And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –

I might back one of those tag things for my literature lol xD I justtt might..

I write when I can't draw something to express myself , literally. No pun intended :3 lol
(becausecoughI'msuppsedtobedoinghwandatabletismoreobviousthantyping)

Yea, enjoy!
Just a quick spontaneous one again C: 'bout 10-15 min; I really should spend more time but I don't even know what I'd be spending time for haha...

I'll leave this up for interpretation, but ahh.. hint hint.. this is also an allusion to something else I personally feel, but that's where you guys get to take this any way you want :)
Enjoy~

|Other works by me|

Add a Comment:
 
:iconxxskyfrost:
xxSkyfrost Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It makes me think, no of actual frostbite but of someone just feeling lost and confused. At the beginning, they're just starting to feel confused, but than it just steadily goes downhill, and then at the last paragraph, when it says,
"What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
Hello?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –" it sounds like they're turning to the person they most rely on, wondering if they're still there for them to help sort out the confusion. Then at the very last line, I think they can't find anyone to talk to or anything that makes sense, worrying that they're going crazy.

I don't know though, maybe its really just about literall frost bite ^^; its just my interpretation.
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013   General Artist
That's a very close interpretation too to the sort of gist I was going after >~<

Mmm ;u;
well that's great aha thank you!
Reply
:iconcddmanful:
cddmanful Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This one scares me, a little bit--makes me think of dying....I hope whatever you personally feel isn't that devastating to you, but it must be kinda bad...:tears:
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 21, 2013   General Artist
x3 hehe sort of yeaaa

I suppose, and you're analytical as per usual !
Reply
:icon18eragon4ever:
18eragon4ever Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
I got frostbite once . . . My toes turned purple! It wasn't very fun. T-T
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 20, 2013   General Artist
eemetoooo *^*
Reply
:icon18eragon4ever:
18eragon4ever Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Us frostbite victims haz to stick together!
Reply
:iconsilverstar102200:
SilverStar102200 Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is great!
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 20, 2013   General Artist
thankq!
Reply
:iconsilverstar102200:
SilverStar102200 Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Nope, i don't need any thanks :D
Reply
:iconmadhatter2k13:
madhatter2k13 Featured By Owner May 18, 2013  Student
Beautifully written .u. I kinda got the chills reading it haha
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 18, 2013   General Artist
Thankq >~<!!!
Reply
:iconmadhatter2k13:
madhatter2k13 Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Student
You're welcome! ;u;
Reply
:iconmegzluvsyouall:
MegzLuvsYouAll Featured By Owner May 17, 2013
Whoa...This is really good.

I feel like I'm getting frostbite myself! This is a really good poem :)
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 17, 2013   General Artist
Thankq so much!
haha >~<
Reply
:iconiamanelebiscarra:
iAmAneleBiscarra Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i think that the idea you wanted to convey was awesome...love this line:

"And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –"

...but you can work on the rhythm better, somehow it's a little awkward to read. maybe you can make use of a pattern to make the reader comfortable and feel familiar with each stanza...

however, i really love the way that you expressed the narrator's thoughts, the words used were realistic, things that someone would really have thought of given the situation. kudos!
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 17, 2013   General Artist
Haha thank you x3

yes XD haha!! will try and do better !

But thank you very much! ^-^
Reply
:iconiamanelebiscarra:
iAmAneleBiscarra Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
you are most welcome! :D
Reply
:iconnestledinbrambles:
NestledInBrambles Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I... honestly don't have a clue what I'm supposed to interpret this into T_T'
So I'll just think of it as.. a person with frostbite... T3T
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 17, 2013   General Artist
haha lol np x3 that works!
Reply
:iconnestledinbrambles:
NestledInBrambles Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
X3
Reply
:iconlullabylantern:
lullabylantern Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Your a great writer :3
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 16, 2013   General Artist
thankq~!
Reply
:iconhailserby:
hailserby Featured By Owner May 16, 2013
love it! why do you have to be so talented? ._. agggghhh
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 16, 2013   General Artist
Aw thank you haha! x3 I'm glad you like my work, Hailey...!!
Reply
:iconsadly-mortal:
Sadly-mortal Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I am one who enjoys spontaneous works. And this one especially. The writing is simple, no imagery or convoluted lines. You touch upon what it would feel like to slowly fade away, the narrator has no idea what is happening until its too late. I wonder where they are? The hospital? and the final line, " I think my thoughts are leaving me too-" it is simple and unassuming, but to think on that is terrifying.
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 16, 2013   General Artist
Oh why thank you so much!
You're a wonderful poet yourself!!!
Although haha I read that little entry on your page, I would say I feel the opposite xD
I'm envious of all these phenomenal poets while I only draw myself haha!

and yes c:
Reply
:iconsadly-mortal:
Sadly-mortal Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :) keep creating stuff.
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 18, 2013   General Artist
you too!
Reply
:iconhetaria-wa-sugoidesu:
Hetaria-wa-sugoidesu Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is amazing!
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 16, 2013   General Artist
thankq >~<
Reply
:iconhetaria-wa-sugoidesu:
Hetaria-wa-sugoidesu Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome! ^-^
Reply
:icontheponymistswirl:
ThePonyMistSwirl Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Student General Artist
Beautiful poem :)
Reply
:iconcapukat:
Capukat Featured By Owner May 16, 2013   General Artist
Thankq >~<
Reply
:icontheponymistswirl:
ThePonyMistSwirl Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Student General Artist
No problem ^^
Reply
Add a Comment: